Should Cats be Worshipped?

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An editorial on a very important topic.

It’s well known that ancient Egyptians worshipped cats or at least acted like they did. Perhaps they looked at cats, and went, ‘damn that’s a regal animal. I’ll bet there’s a god in the pantheon who embodies these qualities because seriously a deity would be a fool not to get themselves some of that!’ We know they thought something like this because they created awe-struck representations of cats any chance they could.

At this point it should be noted that the civilization of ancient Egypt is the single most successful civilization in the history of mankind, at least in terms of longevity and continuity. Climate change (drought) got ’em in the end but dang they had a good long run.

Clearly the ancient Egyptians were superior people with a superior culture, and the fact that they revered cats is a pretty good clue that revering cats is a superior quality. Anyone who can’t admire the majestic bearing of an ordinary domestic housecat in full regal mode – well that person is missing out on one of life’s simple joys.

Worship Though – Really?

The thing is, when any attitude slips over toward worship, like let’s say worshipping Taylor Swift, or worshipping your Chihuahua, the temptation to do more harm than good to the object of your worship starts to slide in.

You start wanting Taylor Swift or your Chihuahua or that adorable little ginger cat fuzzball in your house to exist only for you, and not as an independent being. You start inching toward being a cat hoarder. You start thinking that whatever you worship is a projection of you – that exists for your benefit – and stop seeing the object of your adoration as the something entirely different that it actually is.

But let’s back up a bit. The idea of worshipping cats or that cats are our overlords is kind of a running joke among cat lovers. It periodically gets reinforcement from scientific studies of cats. One study indicated that domestic cats have modified their vocalizations (their meows) to manipulate people into doing what they want.

Serious people who love cats say things like:

“Cats are domesticated animals that have learned what levers to push, what sounds to make to manage our emotions,” Nicastro says. “And when we respond, we too are domesticated animals.”

And this isn’t entirely wrong. Cats seem to have essentially domesticated themselves and in the process domesticated humans. Domestic cats are genetically very similar to their ancestors, the African wildcat, but African wildcats don’t sound very pleasant and aren’t very friendly.

The cats that chose to live with humans (presumably to get access to all the delicious rodents harbored in human granaries) were the cats that were naturally the least afraid of humans and the most willing to tolerate them. By the same token, humans that were willing to tolerate cats benefited from free and effective pest control. Human-loving cats and cat-loving humans found themselves in a mutually rewarding relationship.

To this day, many cat-loving humans believe that cats choose their humans. I doubt this has been proven scientifically, but anyone who knows people who have had cats has heard stories about cats showing up on doorsteps. Cats solicit help in parking lots with meows, bring kittens to a chosen human, or make a beeline for a specific person who comes to visit a shelter. Cats certainly act as though they know who they like.

Cats Like People Just as Much as People Like Cats

When a cat does like a person, a fairly normal domestic cat will show it in all kinds of ways. They’ll rub against a preferred human’s legs. They’ll engage in head butts, purring, chirps and trills of greeting. They’ll sit on their favorite human’s lap. They go for bed sharing, flopping, and following a beloved person around. They pay close attention to people they like, soliciting pets, sharing loving eye blinks and sometimes, just all-around acting adoring.

Naturally, all this is endearing. And if all that affection wasn’t enough, there are additional perks to liking cats, such as all that soft furry cuteness. Not to mention adorable little paws. And hilarious playtime antics. And fascinating tiny predator behavior plus regal elegance – punctuated by occasional pure dorkdom.

And purring. Did we mention purring?

So in some ways, it’s not surprising that cat-loving humans are not embarrassed to admit their willingness to do whatever their beloved pet wants them to do.

And there is no denying that a cat’s meow is a very hard sound to ignore. Some researchers claim it sounds enough like the cry of an infant that ignoring it is out of the question. Add to that the reality that cats are notoriously hard to convince to do anything other than exactly what they want to do, and it’s easy to see where the memes about cats being in control come from. People who live with cats often feel like they adapt to the cat – and not the other way around.

Somehow or another this idea that cats are really in control, master manipulators of the humans they cohabitate with, leads to all kinds of projection and strange interpretations of their behavior. There is the ‘joke’ that cats are evil or psychopaths or forever plotting to kill the humans they live with. Which is rather odd given that dogs routinely (if rarely) kill people (sometimes in horrific fashion), and cats literally never do.

Cats Are Not Human

The thing is – cats can’t be psychopaths because – get this – they’re not human. They’re just cats.

Yup, they are small, furry, domestic animals with no superpowers other than some rather impressive agility and jumping skills. And purring.

When someone says something like ‘cats only want to be petted on their own terms’, something strange has happened. Of course cats only wanted to be touched on their own terms. No living creature wants to be touched in some way it finds unpleasant. Not your dog. Not your cat. Not your bunny. Not a lizard. Not a koala bear. AND NOT YOU EITHER.

Do you think that just because you are in the presence of an almost irresistible floofball that you can just do whatever you want with said floofball just because it’s floofy? It’s a separate creature! I know its floofiness inspires awe, admiration, and maybe a tinge of desire to bow down before the almighty floof. But… it’s just a small, furry, agile domestic animal with a rather sensitive nervous system. It’s not your floof machine.

Sometimes you are floofy and your cat finds your floofiness irresistible and cannot restrain itself from trying to chew your entrancing floofy hair. But you are within your rights to put a stop to uncomfortable hair chewing and a cat is within its rights to put a stop of uncomfortable floof handling.

The thing is – cats can’t really be ‘naughty’ – because they’re not people. They don’t understand human concepts of naughtiness and what a human might think they are and aren’t supposed to do. Cats aren’t godlike omniscient creatures – they’re cats.

Cats. Small, furry, agile domestic animals who often like people – by choice. They like you, if they like you at all, because you are an amazing and pleasing creature with whom they can enter into a mutually rewarding relationship. You make them happy, amuse them, interact with them, comfort them, feed them yummy food, talk with them, play with them, keep them company, pet them, order stuff that comes in boxes, are fun to snuggle with, are warm and smell good, have fascinating toys. And so on. What’s not to like?

Regal But Not Rulers

You’re not above them; you’re not below them. They don’t rule you; you don’t rule them. Cats don’t live in societies that require worship of anything. They often live in close proximity to other cats and like some and don’t like others. But no cat is really above another. If one cat can get away with pushing another cat around, it will if it wants to. If it can’t get away with that – well, then it can’t.

It’s somewhat like that with humans and cats. You’re unique; your cat is unique. Neither is above the other. So you decide together how you’ll interact. If you stick up for yourself – ok then. If you trample on the cat’s boundaries – not ok then.

The key is to respect the cat as an amazing and yes to some degree mysterious creature. You’re not the cat’s servant; the cat is not your servant. Not having a master/servant relationship with a cat does not mean you can’t appreciate what your domestic cat brings to your household.

And it doesn’t mean that you can’t buy little cat-themed decorations, memorabilia, or jewelry. What kind of a barren culture would we live in if we didn’t allow ourselves cat decorations? A horribly barren culture, that’s what kind of culture we’d be. The ancient Egyptians would not approve, and you know that’s not a good thing.

So while I am arguing that no, you should not worship cats, I am not arguing that cats aren’t addictive. Because they are addictive.

The Chinese even have a word for cat addiction, a word that translates literally to ‘snort cat‘. The Chinese, who are extremely intelligent, understand that cats are as addictive as cocaine. You shouldn’t worship cocaine either, but you’d be lying if you didn’t acknowledge that it gives some people a sense of euphoria. Cats and cocaine share another characteristic – both can be hell on your nose – as cat allergy sufferers can attest.

Unlike cocaine, however, domestic cats form very strong bonds with humans. They don’t take these bonds lightly. They offer consolation, comfort, joy, and moments of happiness on both sides of the relationship. And who needs worship, when you can have all that for the price of kibble and kitty litter?